I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
