So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Watching her eat just hurts me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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