I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
