Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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