i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
