He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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