I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
