Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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