no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
