There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
