Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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