we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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