I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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