well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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