erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
