She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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