I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
