We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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