I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
