hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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