after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am one with the molecules
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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