you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's always time for handjobs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
