U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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