I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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