His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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