You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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