I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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