You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
