Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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