i think i have two assholes
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
