So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
