i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
