Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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