we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
