I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
