I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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