K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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