At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
