when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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