i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
