she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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