i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
