My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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