Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
