To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
