so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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