smell my finger.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
