Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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