there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
