K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
