No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
