One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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