hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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