I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
