i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
