you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
