I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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