You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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