Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
