Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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