I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
