you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
