I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
