Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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