I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
