I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think people are normalizing furries
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
