Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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