i wish peter jackson would direct porn
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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