I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
