True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
