We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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