I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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