just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
