They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
