The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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