i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
