you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
