You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize