I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
