My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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