Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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