There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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