Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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